If You Go Now
by clandestinedly
Summary: May go slightly AU, but here is my take on the break-up of Addison and Derek, and everything that comes thereafter :)
1. Disruption

_Just my take on the Addek break-up, and what happens after._

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_"If you go now, we don't have a chance. We don't have a chance if you go now. If you go..."_

Addison had watched as Derek opened the door and stepped out into the dark, rainy, New York night. Her clothes still lay strewn across the concrete steps of their brownstone place, absorbing the rain and giving a clear indication about what was going on to whichever nosy neighbour was peering down at the raucousness on their usually quiet street. She steps forward quickly, stopping as she reaches the threshold of their door. Looking out, she can see him walking away; his beige coat now a dark shade of brown, his head hanging low as he heads towards the City.

"Derek, please!" She calls after him, but her words fall on deaf ears as he ignores her and carries on walking. He turns a corner, disappearing from sight, and her clenched fists raise to her mouth as she tries to subdue her cries. Barefoot, she steps out and down the stairs, gathering her clothes before going back inside, closing the door and throwing them down on the hardwood floors.

The house still smells like the ravioli she had made them both for dinner. _Had been making them for dinner_. Addison had proudly followed the recipe exactly, even making her own pasta. Folding the sheets over the beef centres, she presses the edges together firmly, before laying them on a plate. They needed to be cooked for ten minutes on the hob, when Derek arrived home. She washes the cases with egg yolk, and washes her hands in the sink before washing the counter down.

The redhead turns her head when she hears a knock on the door, and glances at the clock. It was too early for Derek to be home, and even if it was him, he had a key. She wasn't expecting anyone, either. When she had called Carolyn to get the recipe for Derek's favourite dish, she had told her that it was a surprise and they needed some time alone. Carolyn had gotten into the unwelcome habit of dropping by recently; blaming it on her age and her desire to see her only boy and his wife.

They'd accept her into their home happily, of course they would. They'd be all smiles, and little touches here, and smiles and shy glances there. As she made dinner, Derek would walk past and snake his arm across her waist, before leaning forward to kiss Addison's cheek, telling her that her cooking smelt lovely as always. Carolyn would sit at the table with her glass of wine, and smile happily; sated in the knowledge that her son had found a good woman, and they loved each other just as much as she and Derek's father had.

In reality, things couldn't have been more different. Derek and Addison hardly spent any time at home together. Their marriage was crumbling as easy as the gingerbread house Addison had tried to make at Christmas; but neither of them wanted to admit it. The elephant in the room, the weight that rested on both of their shoulders, and propelled them both to drive themselves into their work at the hospital.

So the knock at the door was the catalyst for Derek and Addison to accept their fate, and move forward. It wasn't something she was prepared for, or something she ever expected, but when she opened the door and strong arms enveloped her as new lips found hers, Addison found herself being swept away with emotion.

She had resisted at first, but as Mark picked her up and kicked the front door shut behind them, she found herself relenting, and soon her fingers were sweeping through his hair. Her legs were wrapped around his waist, and the pasta had long since been forgotten.

Upstairs, as he laid her on the bed and crawled over her mumbling words of adoration, her arms moved to pull his shirt from over his head, and were soon working at his belt buckle. She briefly thought of the nights that she and Derek had spent in this bed, saying goodnight and rolling over to go to sleep.

It had been so long since she had felt the presence of a man on top of her who was able to make her feel like this. Her heart rate was elevated, and endorphins flying through her body as she looks up at Mark, eyes full of lust.

It wasn't long until they were both naked and moving together beneath the thousand-count sheets. Mark had entered her and the redhead had moaned, which just spurred him on. Setting a rhythm, Addison wrapped her arms around his neck, and flipped them both; so she was straddling his waist. Her hands were resting on her thighs as she rides her husband's best friend, close to her orgasm; and it's only with the creak of the bedroom door, that both Mark and Addison turn their heads and see Derek standing there.

They both stop immediately, Mark's hands resting on Addison's hips, and Addison pulls the sheets up around them both. Derek says nothing, and turns in the doorway before retreating down the stairs. He pours himself a tall glass of whiskey, and drinks it down quickly, before refilling his glass. He can hear fumbling upstairs; his wife's voice telling Mark to leave and then there are footsteps on the stairs, and the closing of the front door.

He finishes his glass and sets it down on the table before heading upstairs, barging past Addison who had since pulled a black t-shirt on and who was now trying to explain what had happened. Derek knew what had happened, he wasn't an idiot, and as he gathers up an armful of her clothes and heads downstairs, he ignores her pleas for him to talk to her.

Opening the door, he throws the clothes out with force, before throwing Addison out, too. As he closes the door, her hands are pressed against the frosted glass and her wails are loud and constant. Hanging his head, he tries to gather himself. Sure, this was their home; but he couldn't throw her out, and leave her with nowhere to go. Addison's relationship with Bizzy and the captain was tumultuous to say the least, and at least he had his mom's place, and Nancy and Liz's, too, if he needed somewhere to go. Amelia was away at med school anyway, not that he'd go there first; she and Addison were too close, and he knew she would just take Addison's side in this.

He steps back, and opens the door again, revealing the redhead, soaking wet and in tears. "You stay, and I'll go," he tells her, and as quickly as that, he is walking down the street. Away from their house, away from Addison; away from their marriage.

The neonatal surgeon sinks to the floor behind the door, her head held in her hands as she cries and curses herself. She loves Derek. She loved Derek. And now Mark had to come in and mess all of that up. That wasn't her, it wasn't right; and now she was left in this house, alone.


	2. Transference

Thank you for all of the kind reviews! I'm glad you enjoyed chapter 1, and will continue to enjoy chapter 2 just as much! :)

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"As a Montgomery," Addison's mother had once instructed her; "you must always keep a stiff-upper lip. Montgomery's are strong, they aren't weak; they are independent. And you, Addison, are a Montgomery."

She had only been fifteen when her first boyfriend had broken up with her. They had only been dating for six months, but in High-School terms, they were practically married. Joshua Harris, that was his name, and he was the quarterback of the football team. As head cheerleader, it had been expected that they dated, but they actually shared an incredible amount of chemistry. Addison and Joshua (Josh, as he preferred to be called) did everything together. Pep rallies, charity fundraisers - he had even painted her toenails when she was sick, under the promise that she never uttered a word about it to anyone.

Josh was cute, and had an incredible sense of humour. Addison hadn't seen the break-up coming, she thought they were solid; and like everyone at their school, she thought they were destined for marriage. Her mother hadn't approved, of course. 'A footballer was not the profession of someone who was serious about life,' she had quipped over dinner one night. So when Addison came home from school in tears, her cheeks red and eyes swollen from spending the majority of the day crying on her best friends' shoulder, Bizzy was full of both useless and annoying statements for the redheaded teenager.

Even to this day, Addison remembered what her mother had said about crying. Especially about crying in front of people. The redhead had become a master at hiding her emotions, and only let slip after one too many alcoholic beverages.

News of Derek leaving Addison had spread around the hospital quicker than a sexually transmitted infection. He had taken some annual leave, leaving her to deal with the aftermath, and to pick up the pieces of her own mess. The corridors whispered loudly, and eyes followed the redhead as she walked from the nurses station up to the maternity ward to check up on one of her patients.

A page had gone off for her a few minutes earlier, and as she stepped out of the elevator onto the OB ward, she was looking through the chart as she walked. It was better to busy herself, and not to look up because all she'd see were the interns and staff glancing up at her sporadically, trying to get a peek to see if the infamous cold, cheating Montgomery had any slither of emotion in her being.

Addison knew the floor of the hospital like the back of her hand, and without even a glance, she turns into the room she had been called to.

"Mrs Davidson," she starts, her lips curling into her best doctorly smile as she finally looks up at the woman laying in the bed. Except Mrs Davidson, isn't there. The body laying on the bed doesn't belong to a pregnant woman, nor a woman at all. Her pupils dilate and her pulse starts to race and her eyes lay on the person she had been trying to avoid since the night Derek left.

Then her brain jumps into action, and reminds herself that she doesn't need any more gossip flying around the hospital about herself than there already is; and she quickly shuts the door to the room, locking it, before closing the vertical blinds hanging at the window.

"What are you doing here?" Addison asks, as she turns around slowly, he eyes focusing on those blue eyes staring right back at her.

"We should really talk about what happened, don't you think?" Mark Sloan replies, in his usual, sultry voice.

Addison hugs the folder to her chest, and folds her arms across it with a shake of her head. "I don't think there is anything to discuss, Mark," she tells him, curtly. They are both acutely aware of what had happened, and Addison doesn't want to discuss it. Even if she had enjoyed the sex, and was battling with herself daily to tell herself she doesn't have feelings for Mark. It was all a symptom of her crumbling marriage. Transference, of some kind.

But Mark has other ideas, and hasn't been able to stop thinking about the redhead. The way she looked when she threw her head back, her hair trailing down her back as she rocked her hips against his - the noises she made. The way her fingernails had clung to the skin on his back, he still has the small wounds as evidence. A reminder that he wasn't dreaming, and that it had actually happened.

"On the contrary," he says, sitting up and swinging his legs off of the bed. He stands up, and walks around the bed towards her. "There is _everything_ to discuss, Addison." He is facing her now, and he can see her chest rising and falling a lot quicker now. He was making her nervous, and he liked that he held that kind of effect over her. "Like the way you kissed me," he says, his voice low and quiet. "And the way you held me," he continues, as he steps towards her again. "And the way you moaned my name as you arched your back." Mark is practically whispering now, and Addison's throat feels as dry as the desert.

He's right, and Addison knows it. This still feels wrong, she still feels guilty and like she wants to run after Derek and beg him for forgiveness. But at the same time, she also wants to close the gap between them, and kiss him before pushing him back towards the bed.

"I... I wasn't in a good place, it shouldn't have happened, Mark. I'm married to Derek, your best friend. I love Derek," she says, as if she is telling herself how she feels; reminding herself of the vows she had taken ten years before.

Mark chortles and shakes his head, "Derek's gone, Addison," he tells her. "Derek's gone, and I'm here, and you _know_ this feels right." He reaches out with his hand, and places it gently on her arm with a squeeze. Addison's eyes quickly divert to her arm, and her stomach practically somersaults out of her mouth onto the floor with excitement.

"The way you're feeling now, the look you have on your face, this is how you should've felt with Derek," he says, softly. "But you feel them with me and that is how I know that we should talk about this. We could be great together, Addison. I know you feel it too."

Addison knows Mark is right, she knows everything he is saying is true. She can't remember the last time she felt butterflies over Derek, or the last time he made her pulse race, or the last time he made her so nervous she had forgotten her vocabulary. She was married, though, and in a committed relationship, so had never thought of anything other than a friendship with Mark. Why would she? But thinking back on it, had the feelings been laying there all along? Not quite being able to remember, she looks up at Mark, and sighs.

"This is all so fucked up," the neonatal surgeon admits, and she puts the folder she had been holding onto the table to her side. Her long fingers pull her hair back and off her neck as she tries to process all of her thoughts at once, and she pins it up with a grip from the pocket of her lab coat. She sits on the bed, and crosses one leg over the other as she cradles her face in her hands.

Derek was gone, and he she was with a man she did have feelings for. Mark wants this to work, he wants a relationship with the redhead, and Addison's first reaction isn't to say the word 'No'. She feels the bed shift, and then feels Mark's strong arm rest across the nape of her neck, his hand on her shoulder, and he pulls her towards him.

Leaning her head on his shoulder, she doesn't say anything. She allows herself to be held, and secretly enjoys the way this feels, just for a second, before her conscience kicks in and her gaze averts to her wedding ring on her hand. Mark's eyes follow her line of sight to her hand, and he looks back at Addison's head. His other hand reaches up, and with the curve of his knuckle, he tilts her chin so he can look at her properly.

Blue eyes meet blue, and after a few seconds Addison has leant up and is kissing Mark again. The voices in her head drown out as he kisses her back, and suddenly Derek isn't in her mindset at all. The only thing the redhead can think of is Mark Sloan, and how his lips feel against hers, and how right this feels.


End file.
